So coronavirus crap has had me at home since mid March. I live outside of the twin cities so since Memorial Day everything has been in upheaval. And honestly this past weekend fear paralyzed me and I couldn’t leave my apartment. I’m far enough outside of the twin cities that the riots and protests didn’t seep into my community and yet I wouldn’t even open a window. I did see that our target closed because of the riots…honestly I haven’t been in target since probably February.
This last weekend was taken over by fear and memories of trauma. This weekend was my dad’s birthday…a day when growing up I was raped and usually beaten as well. It was hard. I thought that having no issues with Memorial Day I was in the clear, growing up dad’s birthday and Memorial Day were one and the same in our house. Add to that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 6 months now…and well this last cycle looked promising yet nope. Sunday my period came. Hubby had a SA done today, hoping he isn’t the issue…
I didn’t have my regular therapy session this week, as my therapist hurt her back the day before 😔 I thought I was okay with that until she reached out and offered me an opening tomorrow….I fell apart hubby was there to help me and told me to take it.
I’m opting out of zoom calls and Bible studies. They just make me feel awful. Really need an in person friend right now. I sadly don’t have those friends who are there for me. Hubby tries but I need a gal friend to talk to sometimes…
So how have I been coping with all this….not.well. I have zero motivation to do anything. I would like to get back in the pool but that is still closed as a result of coronavirus. Pretty sure I’m zoning out most of my days…I do have things I could do but no motivation to do them.
Peices of Emm 