Should have…

It’s hitting me hard. This last weekend we should have celebrated a first birthday. It wasn’t on my mind until after a week of crying at absolutely everything, zero motivation, and no hope. Then I thought about it and realized. Its hard because it feels like I’m the only one who is aware. I told my husband and he asked why do I keep track. I don’t, my body remembers, and I cannot control what my body remembers. I know we had an early loss, but my body knew. What to do from here, I don’t know, I have no clue. And yet I know something has to be done.